I have another "girls are dumb" rant.

I'm dumb. I have this addiction to some indescribable thing I don't think is beatable. It reminds me of that sickening "Victoria's Secret" ad a couple weeks ago. "Do you love me?" As my dearest friend Amy as recently expressed... WTF? Am I that needy? And the answer is: Yes. I really am that needy. That sickens me for two reasons. One: I don't know what the hell it is that I really need. And two: I don't like to think that I need anything but myself and all the drugs I take to make myself feel like all I need is myself. (P.S. my favorite mixture is coffee, tea, St. John's Wart, chocolate bar, water, and ibuprofen on good days, dayquil on bad ones. You get me goin on that and I'm actually a happy functioning person who doesn't remember that she's miserable)

There's a song by Sarah McLachlan called "Ice Cream." In it she croons that "Your love is better than ice cream... Chocolate." That sums it up. I crave love not for love's sake but for my own deep-seated need. And at least love doesn't make you fat or pimply.

Is there an answer to my dilemma? Is there anything that can take this heart-rotting indescribable need I have?

So I just need a vacation from life. Even though I'm 100,000,000,000,000,000x more adjusted and happy and emotionally balanced than I had been through the last hellish year and a half, I'm still "catching up." But what am I "catching up" on? I don't need more bad hair days, more PMS days, more days when I'm convinced my body is made up completely fat.

On that topic, I know I'm not hideously overweight. There are just some days when the fat that I do have seems to have grown exponentially. Sometimes I wish that I could just move my fat around to different places on my body. For example, I wish I could move the fat in my love handles to my boobs. Then my boobs would actually be bigger than my, what I like to call, "side boobs" and my pooch wouldn't matter anymore.

As I read over that last paragraph, I threw up in my mouth a little. Girls are so dumb! Ok, not so general, I'M so dumb. Why does it matter what size my boobs are? Oh! I know why! And that brings me to another subject that I've been wanting to rant about: Our obsession with having "a guy."

One of my friends just was dropped pretty rudely by a guy she had been dating. Sure, they had only been dating and for not very long either. But it still hurts. What irks me is what people began telling her to do. "Just move on and find another guy." Just find another guy? I'm sorry, but that just makes it sound like any guy would do, no matter how much of a slimebag he is. What do we expect from those "any guys?" We expect every man to have the potential to be the man of our dreams? Impossible! Here's the problem that attitude sets up. Either the guy is a complete jerk and we're shocked and hurt because we applied some standard to him that would have made us reject him in the first place. Or, the guy is the man of our dreams and we treat him just like "any guy?" You know, I hate it when men objectify women and treat them like sex objects or house maids or whatever. But we do the same thing. We treat guys as if they are things for us to use to make us feel better. Guys aren't chocolate bars or therapy sessions. They're people. They're just as screwed up and just as wonderful as people can be.

So, what's the moral? Set your standards high. Don't let slimy bastards into your life just because you need "any guy." But be realistic. When Mr. Wonderful is staring you in the face, don't expect him to be just like "any guy" expect him to be human and unique and different. Learn about who HE is. Don't make generalizations about how GUYS are.

*curtsey, exit stage right*

Show me how much you desire me
how you desire to discover my mind
to join with my heart
to edify my soul
do you?

Show me how much you love me
how you love to take care of me
to make my eyes smile
to let me grow
do you?

NO! I didn't ask for a display of affections!!!
There will be a time for that
These bodies are delicate and temporal
and I yearn for the time when we can treasure them as they should be
When we will gently and cautiously give glory to God
But until then...
Don't kiss me on my lips
impress upon my mind
Don't trace the curves of my face
learn the ways of my heart
Don't wrap your arms round my waist
embrace my soul

Jase:

He walks with surety that would strike fear in the hearts of those around him. He's a wild animal who's been cornered. A huge glittering watch covers his wrist. He's so proud of that watch. His body language screams, "Don't touch me!" but his eyes cry out for help. He's only 8 years old.

I wanted to help him read better, to help him solve the unique problems he had. But more than that... I wanted to help him be himself. Little by little I broke open that boxy cage that he had been squeezed into. We played games. I joked with him. I tried again and again to get him to give me a hearty high five.

We were making progress. He was reading quicker and with more confidence. One day, he was so tense, so on edge. I offered to just read to him this time. Two pages later, his little eyes drooped and he laid his head against my arm. I let him rest.

I saw him walking through the hall yesterday. He still walked with that alert surety, but maybe his eyes were a little brighter. He came up to me and asked toughly, "Why don't you read with me anymore?" I explained to him how our schedules had changed, and that I had read to other boys and girls now. He nodded calmly and turned to walk away. I wanted to wrap my arms around him but knew I couldn't.

Someone, please, give him a hug. Don't let him be forgotten.

That First Step
Genesis 12:1“1 Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father's house, To the land which I will show you; 2 And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; 3 And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed." 4 So Abram went forth as the LORD had spoken to him; and Lot went with him.”

Meaning of the message
Abram was a rich man, living in the land of Ur, surrounded by his family and everything that he had ever known. He was comfortable, but he was not satisfied. He was an old man with no heirs to inherit his wealth. God singled this man out of history to establish the Holy plan of the Gospel. Through Abram’s step of faith in leaving his homeland for an unknown place, and through the other steps of faith he took after this point, he became the head of the lineage that would lead to the Messiah. God promised him this by saying “in you all the families of the earth will be blessed.”


Personal Application We can see the results of Abram’s faith now, looking back. We can see what great works came of that amazing move into unknown lands. I often wonder what Abram and his family thought that day that they left their home. I wonder how they decided which direction to take their first steps. They wouldn’t have been able to see the great paths that God had lay before them before time began. All they could see was the doubt about that initial step.
I do the same thing. God has great plans for me. I’m part of His purpose for humanity, but all I can see is the steps in front of me. It’s a matter of great faith to put out my foot and step down, trusting that God will bring up that path under me. Yet, I know He will, because not only did He do so for Abram, but He’s done it for me before. Praise God.

“It was very good”
Genesis 1:31

“God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.”

Meaning of the message:
This verse comes at the end of the passage telling the Creation story. This story had been passed down from generation to generation so that every Israelite would know how their God created the universe. It shows not only the specifics of how the world was created, but it also shows why: that God may show His power and then pour His love on His creation so that He might receive glory.

Personal Application:
I was in the Prayer and Praise service that they have in Speer chapel every Sunday evening. I was singing the familiar song, looking all holy and spiritual, but really I was fretting about the things coming up the next week and all the other things that bog down my mind. Something tickled me and I looked down to see a lady bug making her way across the back of my hand. God created such a complex universe with little specks of beauty like that ladybug on the pew.
Sometimes I think that I’m better than God. It’s not a conscious thing. Rather, by my mind set, I steal His glory. As the worry wart I sometimes can be, what I’m really doing is doubting that God can take care of my future. If He can create a whole universe, He can for sure handle my problems. Not only can He handle it, He can make it good. He orchestrates my life into a beautiful creation, and throws in little specks of ladybug-like beauty along the way

Mas de ti, menos de mi

Mas de ti
Menos de mi
Ruego hoy que hagas asi
mas de ti, menos de mi

Como la semilla que para brotar
Tiene que morir
todo plan en mi corazon
lo rindo hoy por servirte a ti

Docologia

A Dios el Padre celestial,
Al Hijo nuesto Redentor,
Al eternal Consolador,
Unidos todos alalbad. Amen